


Midnight Requiem

by Hydr4gon (Arceus6892)



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Blood, Disturbing Themes, Explicit Sexual Content, Heavy Angst, M/M, Post-Graduation, ritsukasa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 16:47:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16044500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arceus6892/pseuds/Hydr4gon
Summary: As the only heir to the Suou name, Tsukasa's future was made for him.  Marriage right after graduation—that was the plan.  At least, for him.  His boyfriend of two years didn't take well to that decision, and life for Tsukasa only went downhill from there.  Sakuma Ritsu, his former lover, was not the man he thought he was.  Slowly yet surely Tsukasa was dragged into something dangerous...Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.**CONTENT WARNING Dark themes ahead**





	Midnight Requiem

**Author's Note:**

> "Ritsukasa is a cute pairing," I say as I make this monstrosity.
> 
> Hello! Here is my latest work, something even more on the darker side than what I normally write. Be warned, this is NOT a very "happy" story; if you are averse to dark material, this work is not for you. Likewise that there are regret games, I would categorize this as a regret fic. You have been warned.
> 
> It's a bit long, but I would be honored if you stayed until the end! Thank you for reading~
> 
>  
> 
> *Quick note: Please do not comment about the point-of-view. I've been writing this way for other fandoms for over 4 years; I did not realize that it was unusual here, but I would like to keep the way that I write. Thank you for understanding, and I hope you still enjoy the read!
> 
> ****PLEASE be respectful in the comments! Any comments that are rude, inappropriate, or disparaging WILL be deleted and/or reported.****

The idol I'd admired for so long stood before me.  Light streaming in through the windows to cast an outline around his figure in the otherwise dark room.  Only the red from his eyes could be visible, along with the sinister smirk he always wore.  It was just us, once again, and there was no way for me to leave.

I jerked my arm, but the rope binding me to the bed held me down.  The mattress creaked as he crawled over me.

How did it get like this?  I never imagined it would turn out this way, but no matter how many times I attempted to recall the events leading up to this, my mind turned hazy.  It was vexing that I couldn't remember.  It had been going on for so long; I merely accepted it for what it was.

I no longer flinched as he leaned into my shoulder, sinking his teeth into my skin to draw blood.  It was pointless to protest.  I was too tired to do so, anyway.  This was the third time he'd done this today, and it was a chore to keep conscious as it was.  However, if I didn't, he would make sure I paid the price when I came to.

"Nghh..." I let a slight groan slip past my teeth.  He silently licked the area he bit into, sucking at the area around it.  When he moved his lips too far up my neck, I knew I had to snap at him before he made a mark too visible.

"I believe I have warned you before, but that area is off limits.  What would I do if anyone saw?" I made an attempt to lecture him, but my voice merely sounded tired.  He let out a sigh and moved back down to work along my clavicle, running his hand across my bruised chest as he did so.  There was not a part on my body that hadn't sustained some sort of injury at this point.

"...You're quiet today," he spoke, barely audible in this otherwise soundless room.  When he spoke, I felt his breath brush against my bare skin.

"I am tired.  Yet you dragged me here regardless, despite being aware of just how much work I had to do today."

"But this is your home now, right...?  Where else could I possibly take you~?"  The hand that was once on my chest now moved lower, and I instinctively shut my eyes when he lowered it down into my pants.

As much as I hated to admit it, Ritsu-senpai was right.  I had nowhere else to go.  My parents no longer permit me to return home, and for a while I was no longer in possession of enough money to find a place of my own.  In an attempt to help with a difficult living situation, Ritsu-senpai offered to live with me until matters were resolved.

After graduating from Yumenosaki, it wasn't long before I was married off to a wealthy young lady, one promising great prosperity for the Suou family.  However, despite my protests, my family refused to delay the marriage and rushed me into forming a relationship with her.  I did not dare to reveal my relationship with Ritsu-senpai to them, so the only remaining option seemed to be to break up with whom I called my lover for nearly two years.  Ritsu-senpai had other ideas.

His hand ran down the side of my abdomen, causing me to twitch just slightly, inadvertently shifting into a more convenient position for the other to have his fun.  The other hand remained down my pants, rubbing at my crotch as he stared up at me, bloodred pupils transfixed on my own.  That eerie smile never once left his lips.

"So quiet~  Feeling shy today, Su~chan...?"  Before I had the opportunity to reiterate the point that I was too tired and would much rather rest, he rubbed some more at my crotch, slowly sliding his hand along the base and steadily picking up the pace.  Without meaning to, I let out a quiet sound, shivers running down my spine.  His eyes seem to spark at the sound of my voice.  Ah, how careless of myself...

That was all the encouragement he needed to slide down my pants completely, exposing me bare.  Even if it was dark, the moonlight hit Ritsu's figure to highlight every detail of what he was about to do.  It was too embarrassing to look, but I couldn't move my arms to cover my face and merely shut my eyes as he lowered his head.

I felt his hands grip at my legs, prying them open as he leaned forward, slowly running his tongue along the shaft.  The warmth of his tongue and the friction of it sliding along the sensitive organ made more shivers run endlessly down my body.  It felt so good, yet the pleasure only fueled my guilt further.

I knew I shouldn't be doing this.  However, no matter how many times I tried to end it, it somehow turned out like this.

"Ah...!" A quiet moan, though louder than all the rest, made it past my lips.  My eyes shot open as Ritsu slid my dick into his mouth, the heat from all around making my legs twitch.  I wanted to say something, but it was too late now, and I foolishly allowed myself to relax.  My legs, which were once stiff and frozen in place, opened up to make room.

"Mm..." More sounds slipped out as he started rubbing at the base.  No matter how many times he did this, it never ceased to feel good.  Ritsu-senpai certainly knew his way around.

I let out a sharp exhale, the air whistling through my teeth.  My hands banged against the headboard, yearning to be freed.

"Nn...H-Haah...!" I sighed.  That seemed to encourage him more, and his grip grew stronger, bobbing his head along to the rhythm of his movements.

"A-Ah!  Ri-Ritsu-senpai...!" My voice grew louder, toes curling inward.  Right as my vision started to cloud, he removed his mouth, pressing his thumb over the top to prevent anything from coming out.  He licked his lips as he gave me a silent stare, looking over my heated expression with some sort of thrill.

"Not yet~" he chimed, climbing back over me, eyes still locked onto mine, a dangerous smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he slid down the zipper to his pants.  I could only watch, breathing coming out ragged.  I really _was_ too tired for this.  Over and over, it was relentless.  But my body had become so accustomed to it that every reaction was instinctual.

I gulped when he took off his underwear, trembling a bit at the sight of how hard he'd gotten from simply watching my reactions.  The moment the insatiable beast reared its ugly head, I knew it was too late to be running the other way.

"I...I am too tired for this..." I weakly managed.  Pretending he didn't hear, he hushed me with his lips and moved his hands along my legs until he had a firm grip.  When he pulled away, I shook back and forth, squirming from one side to another but only locking my arms further into the binding that constricted them.

I was trapped.  I had a chance to run, but I was too slow.  Words won't reach him anymore, and my voice had gone hoarse from yelling.

He let out a sigh, seeming annoyed that I was resisting so much.

"If you're so tired, why do you have so much energy...?  I'll make you feel so much better...♪" His hand ran down my underside, prodding impatiently at the hole he was so used to intruding.  I shot him a glare, and his frown told me he caught it even in the dark.

Letting out another sigh, he leaned in to place a series of kisses along my neck.  Keeping his lips close to my skin, I felt the air from his whispers landing against my cold skin.

"Then, what do you want...?"  His voice sounded desperate, like he was trying to call out to me but couldn't reach.  His hands landed along the cuts in my skin, tracing the marks he'd caused.  Even as gentle as he was trying to be, the slightest touch made me flinch.

"...I would like you to leave," the words came out quiet, and the menacing look never left my face.  His expression grew even more dismal.  Even if I said it, I knew he wouldn't listen.  After all, I was tied back.  In my mind, I knew that the last thing I should be doing is making demands, but the stubborn side of me insisted otherwise.

"But I live here~...You can't kick me out."

"No, _I_ live here.  You merely barged in and called the place your own.  This residence shall remain under my name until matters are resolved between me and my _wife._ "

"Your 'wife'?  You mean the one that left you?"  The deadly words silenced me.  Their poison seeped through, piercing through my chest and widening up the hole that tore open my heart.  Ritsu's expression softened before he leaned in to place more kisses on my cheek.

"...Don't cry, Su~chan.  I'm here...I'm right here, okay?"  As much as I wanted to hide my face, I couldn't do anything with my hands behind my back and shamelessly allowed the other to witness my pitiful side as tears ran down the sides of my face.

"I...I am fine.  Now please remove yourself from atop of me," I quietly spoke.  I tried to twist my body the other way but to no avail.  Every one of my limbs was completely drained of energy.  My body had become listless.

"I can't leave you when you're like this, you know...?" He showed me a kind smile before leaning in to plant a kiss against my lips.  He made his way to my ear, breathing against it, a low tone resounding in my head.

"How can I make you feel better...?  Tell me, and I'll do anything~"  I wanted to tell him that nothing he can do would make things better, but my body reacted in protest as I gently pushed my hips up against his, a pleading sound escaping between my lips.  A slight chuckle from the other was enough to let me know that I've lost.

"You're always like this, aren't you...?" he spoke, moving his hands back across my body, hungrily eyeing my body.  "Being so stubborn and abstinent in the beginning, but begging for me with your body...What you say and do don't match, so it's really confusing, you know...?  Sometimes, I even think you hate me for doing these things~"

The oddly cheery tone at the end made me wonder if that was so much of a joke as he meant it to be.  I really couldn't be sure.  Even though I'd known Ritsu-senpai for so long, it felt like I was beginning to understand him less and less.

"...I really can't move, Ritsu-senpai," I reminded him.  "I'm exhausted.  And quite frankly, it still hurts a little bit from what you did earlier.  At the very least, untie me from the bed."

A pensive look formed across his face, but his movements did not halt for a moment.

"Hm...Nope~  Not after the last time you hit me..."

"I cannot state it enough how I regret performing such an undignified action.  However, that was the only conceivable way I could come up with to make you halt in place, seeing as my words had no _effect_ on you."  Not that it was having any effect now, seeing how Ritsu was too immersed in running his hands along my body to listen to anything I had to say.  I let out a sigh and decided that the sooner it's over, the better, so I allowed him to do what he wished without further protest.  However, seeing as he was taking as long as he could, I felt I had to speak up once more.

"...Ritsu-senpai, would you pick up the _pace_?  I thought the time for _foreplay_ was long over."

"Fufu, is Su~chan getting impatient~...?"  He leaned down to suck at the bruises across my chest, causing me to both flinch and sigh at the touch.

"Mm, if you want..." he began, trailing off as he drew circles around my nipple before rubbing his thumb against it.  His eyes darted back up to me, his face unreadable yet the slightest bit pink.  "...I can ride you."

His suggestion caught me by surprise, and a startled sound slipped out.  My face instantly grew warm.  It wasn't often that he allowed me to take charge, so the very thought made my body eagerly react, causing the smirk to reappear across Ritsu-senpai's face.

"Hm~?  Is that a yes?  Your body seems to think so~"  Not realizing that he was fully lying across me until now, he slowly grinded his hips against mine, and a ragged moan left my mouth.  I immediately responded by pressing mine back against his, indulging in the friction created between the two of us.  I heard Ritsu-senpai let out a soft sigh in return.  Before I could get too carried away, he slowly lifted his body off me, hovering over the very part of me that was twitching relentlessly.

I stared back at him, haze coating my eyes as I eagerly awaited his move.  For a moment, I doubted that he would do it.  He didn't prepare either, right?  So it would surely hurt if he so carelessly lowered himself onto me.

"Ah, did you bring any–Nngh?!" I grit my teeth when I felt something warm enveloping my dick.  He slid down without any hesitation and without any warning.  My legs jerked, beads of sweat running down my face as he successfully fit all of me inside without a single pause.  His body trembled, but the perverted smile was still etched into his features.

I could feel his every movement.  His walls squeezed against me, but it was not as tight as I'd expected.  Did he practice on his own?  Knowing Ritsu-senpai, I can't say it would surprise me.

"How...is it...?" he breathed, a dazed look cast across his face.  His breaths came out in white puffs.  His cheeks were flushed, but they couldn't be any redder than mine.

I gulped.  It felt unbelievably good, but there was not a chance I was going to admit that aloud.  It was improper of me to even feel this way to begin with.  Especially with Ritsu-senpai.

"...Undo the rope around my hands," I demanded, receiving a quizzical head tilt from Ritsu-senpai.  I hesitated before I explained why, but it was too late for hesitation.  For once, I let my improper thoughts be voiced aloud as I spoke up in a whisper.

"I...I want to touch you."  My face couldn't grow any hotter, but it definitely felt like it had.  I let out a ragged sigh when Ritsu-senpai's walls squeezed me tightly, reacting in excitement before I even laid a hand on him.  He always reacted to even the slightest bit of affection I showed for him.  It was almost cute, but I would refrain from going so far as to call Ritsu-senpai that.

"...Mhm."  He nodded as he showed me a smile.  Without removing himself from me, he leaned over and worked on undoing the rope binding my arms to the head of the bed.  As he struggled with loosening it, his chest rubbed against mine, and even the slightest movement aroused me more.  His body rocked back and forth.  I couldn't tell if he was doing it on purpose, but with every action, my crotch rubbed against the walls of his insides.  Without warning, I bucked up my hips, earning something between a startled cry and a moan from the other.

"N-Nn..." He tried to keep his voice quiet, but I could tell he enjoyed it.  His face grew more flushed, and he pretended not to notice as he continued working on undoing the knot.  As he was leaning into me, I didn't have to put in the extra work of lifting myself up to him and started planting kisses along his chest.  I slowly began hitching up my hips to push further into him the more he got away.  The quickened pulse of his heart and the shaky sound of his breathing told me he was certainly feeling something.  To prove to him just how little patience I had left, I thrust into him even harder as I felt the binding around my arms loosen.

"Nn–D-Done..." He moved himself back into his earlier position as he slowly began moving in a rhythm atop of me, sliding in and out in a quickened pace.  While keeping my breathing in check, I took a look at my hands before I did anything, trying to observe the mangled mess they'd become after having my circulation cut off for hours.  I didn't need any light to make out the large red lines that ran down my hands and arms.

"Ah...!" I was brought back to where I was with a sudden movement from below.  I glanced back to see Ritsu-senpai picking up the pace, putting all his energy into making sure he hit the parts that felt the best.  Small sounds left his mouth every now and then, but that wasn't enough.  Now that my hands were freed, I didn't hesitate to reach out to him.

I slowly ran my hands along his pale skin.  The slightest touch made him shudder.  The intoxicated look told me he wanted more.  I moved my hands down, grasping onto his legs before lifting my hips up to him.

"Nn...Ahh...!"  He moaned louder, but it was still too quiet.  I greedily wished to hear more, and in just this moment, I wanted to forget about my current predicament and focus solely on the person before me.

I plunged into him harder.  His eyes grew wider, the perverted grin back on his face.  As I sped up the pace, the moans which were once hushed were no longer so quiet.

"Hahh...!  Su...cha-Ahhh!"  He matched my rhythm and moved his hips in tandem with mine.  It was when his eyes started to close that I knew he had gotten lost in the feeling.  The further I reached inside him, the more reaction I got.  From the sound of his voice lost in ecstasy to the tightening of his walls, squeezing me until my mind went blank.  This kind of pleasure was dangerous.  It was like a drug, and once I was this far in, no matter whether right or wrong, I had to see it until the end.  I could no longer control how my hips moved as I continued to thrust into him.

I felt the exhaustion from earlier wearing down on me, and with one more powerful thrust, my body let off a shudder.  My legs grew numb as the addictive feeling consumed me.  Only once the clouds cleared did I realize what I'd done.  I slowly opened my eyes to see Ritsu-senpai peering over me, panting with beads of sweat running down his face and body.

"Mm, Su~chan let out...a lot, huh♪" Glazed over eyes stared back at me.  He gently moved his hips, and I let out a surprised sound.  "I'm...Still not, done...so..."

I gave him a nod and proceeded to play with his body a bit, running my hands over the more sensitive parts of his body to keep him occupied.  There was no point in stating that I wanted this to be over, that we should stop things now, so I merely kept silent and did whatever made him feel good.  This had become the routine, after all, and Ritsu-senpai was difficult to turn down.

I kept up the act, offering him the little bit of pleasure to make up for what I couldn't provide him with now that we weren't dating.  I wanted to believe that he would realize it on his own, that with some pushing and shoving he would come to accept it, but after a year of waiting, I still await the day.  The day he realizes that we can no longer be the way we used to be.

He was glued to me, and there was nothing I could do to pry him off me.  Because, as the foolish novice that I am, I was just as glued to him as he was to me.

* * *

 

After a long night, I could just make out birds from outside my windows.  The faint light streamed in through the closed curtains, illuminating our bare bodies slick with sweat and shamelessly ridden with each other's fluids.

It was disgusting.  I wished to erase the scene, pretend it never existed.  But this happened nearly every night.  Slowly but surely, it was breaking my body apart.

As we struggled to catch our breaths, I glanced down at the figure lying across my heaving chest.  It wasn't apparent at first, but he was definitely losing weight.  His ribs faintly stuck out from his sides, and his porcelain skin didn't make him look any less sick.

It was quiet aside from the chirping of a few songbirds outside.  My arms and legs lay limp.  I could only hope that Ritsu-senpai was as deprived of energy as I was, especially now that morning had arrived.  When he still didn't speak even as his breathing grew faint, I assumed he had fallen asleep.  That was usually how it went after a long night like this, but as I went to carefully move his bangs from his face, his eyes were open.  They slowly followed mine, appearing wearier than I've ever seen him.

"...Ritsu-senpai, you've been eating, haven't you?" I asked.  For some reason, that was the first thing I could think as I glanced down at his seemingly frail body.

"...Mm?  Yeah, sometimes..."

"'Sometimes?'  You do not look well.  After we sleep, remind me to run to the store and pick you up something to eat."

"...Fufu, are you worried about me~?"  I glared down at the idol with the carefree sound in his voice.

"Anyone would worry seeing you like this.  Promise me that you will properly look after yourself, alright?"

"But if you're here to take care of me, I don't have to worry about it myself~"

"Please do not spout such absurdities.  I am not here to take care of you, nor spoil you.  You are a grown adult, so please learn to live as one."  He let out a quiet sigh, tilting his head to the side and brushing his cheek against my chest.  He seemed to stare off at nowhere in particular, and for a moment I thought he'd fallen asleep.

"...You know, Su~chan.  There's a thin line between sex and death...Maybe one day, we'll reach the point where we both disappear~  Then, we can be together, right...?" he quietly spoke, head still turned to the side.

"...I have told you countless times before, but please do not speak like that," I retorted.  He always said some rather impetuous things, and this was one of them.

Speaking like he was to suddenly disappear.  He seemed to take it as a joke, but I couldn't be so sure.  In the off chance that he was serious and one day Ritsu Sakuma was to disappear from the face of the Earth, it would tear me to pieces.  More than anything he's already done to me.

"After all," I added, shifting slightly in hopes that Ritsu-senpai would slide off me and allow me to breathe.  "I have a family to worry over.  I cannot, in good conscious, leave things as they are.  If I were to disappear, it would be the most cowardly act I could fathom.  My parents, my wife...I cannot leave them like that."

"But if you're so worried about them, why are you here with me...?"  His words stopped me short.  I had no answer.  I was aware of the duties I had to uphold, but I always found myself back with Ritsu-senpai.  I could easily ask for a restraining order or call the police to get him to leave, but I never did and simply allowed him to have his way with me.  It was undoubtedly imprudent, inappropriate—every part of me wished to mend things at once, to return to my family and prove myself to be worthy of the Suou name.  Yet all I brought was shame.  No matter how many times I talked it through with Ritsu-senpai, I somehow ended up in his arms.  Letting him do whatever he wished with me, whether I agreed to it or not.

"...Later today, I will make another call."  I heard a long sigh from the other as he steadily rolled to the side.  His tired eyes stared back at mine.

"You've been doing that every day...What difference will it make?  Neither her nor your parents will even pick up your calls...If it's not going to work out after a year of trying, just give up already." He let out another sigh.  "Why are you trying so hard to fix things with someone who doesn't care...who doesn't even like you...when there's someone who loves you right by your side?"

A kind smile lit up his face.  One that I cherished long ago but did nothing for me now.  His hand slowly reached out, using what energy he had left to brush my hair behind my ears and lean in to give me a gentle kiss to the lips.  He was still smiling as he pressed his forehead against mine, his hand reaching for mine and clutching it tightly.

"...I love you, Su~chan."  The words were met with silence.  I wordlessly stared back, wearing the same, tired expression as I tugged my hand away.  His smile quickly faded, and the more seconds passed, the more distraught he appeared to become.  He mouthed a desperate 'Su~chan...?' but I gave no response.

"...I have a family now, Ritsu-senpai," I quietly spoke.  The words felt empty and hollow.  The longer I looked at his solemn expression, the more I wished I could turn away, but every muscle in my body hurt to move.  He opened his mouth to speak but closed it soon after.  His eyes turned dull and lifeless.  It became painful to look.

He managed a quiet, broken up 'Good night...' before rolling onto his side, facing away.  His body was trembling.  I heard something coming from the other, but I couldn't make out what.  I couldn't in good conscious allow him to go to sleep like this, so even if it hurt my arm to do so, I reached over to gently nudge his shoulder.

"Ritsu-senpai?  Are you alright?"  I was met with silence; the only thing in place of an answer was more of that muffled noise from earlier.  I nudged him some more, and it took a bit of persistence until I got him to tilt his head.  He held up his arm, covering his face, but that didn't stop me from seeing the tears that were dripping onto the bed from his chin.

"...What?" he asked, his voice broken.  I let out a quiet sigh and tugged at his arm until I got him to roll over.  In a place where I could spot his face more clearly, I could make out the tears that left from the corners of his eyes.  I felt like a part of myself was torn apart upon seeing him in such a state.

"...I'm sorry, Ritsu-senpai."  That only seemed to make it worse, and he slowly nudged his way closer until his face was buried against my chest, muffling the sound of his crying.  The very sound made a lump form in my throat.  No matter how many times I told him to find someone else, someone who could give him what he wants, he continued to chase after me.  Despite telling him over and over that it was impossible for us, he stuck by my side.

I wanted to offer him happiness, to allow him to live a peaceful life.  But he never took my offer.  I was holding him back, and I cannot curse myself enough for the careless life I have led to bring him to such a state.

I gently pulled him in closer, but the closeness only made him cry more.  My fingers combed through his hair, running them through over and over and trying to distract myself from breaking down with him.

"...It's painful...Why does it hurt so much...?"  His lamenting voice cut through me.  I swallowed the lump in my throat and diverted my attention back to brushing his hair.

"We can't we be together...?  It hurts...I want to go back...to when we were dating.  Before you ran off with someone else...That hurt, you know...?  That was terrible, Su~chan...After you promised...I'd be the one you..."  His voice cut off around there, and soon the room returned to silence.  Distracted by his speech, I didn't realize I'd wrapped my arms around him and held him close.  My own tears hit the mattress, creating dark circles in the linen.  It wasn't like Ritsu-senpai to act like this, so every word he spoke pierced through my chest.  If I wasn't careful, my heart would surely give out.

All I could do was quietly utter another pitiful apology.  It was too late, and we both knew that, but neither of us wished to admit it.  I truly am foolish.  Incapable of sparing the person I once held dear of a horrendous end.  Even now, I am but a novice in every way.

I held him close, wishing there was something I could do to amend the countless number of mistakes I've made leading to this point.  However, no amount of repenting was going to save him.

* * *

The next morning—more like later that day—I slipped out from under the covers and hopped into the bathroom for a quick shower before heading off to the store.  Ritsu-senpai was nothing less of a heavy sleeper, so a little noise shouldn't be enough to wake him.

While it was a relief to feel the clean water wash away the mess from last night, the heat stung at the bruises along my skin.  Purple and red gashes lined the sides of my stomach, arms, and legs—there was not a spot that remained untouched.  I would have to apply disinfectant later.

The longer I have gotten to know him, the more sadistic he has become.  Every new night escalates to show a different part of him that I have yet to see; if given the choice, I would much prefer to keep it unseen.  Even if my body has regretfully grown accustomed to his ways, my mind still refuses to process the things we do together.

To do something so immoral, so improper, was completely unreasonable to me.  I, Tsukasa Suou, could never engage in such an act.  However, it seems that lately my mind and body have been separate.

I let out a sigh and turned off the faucet.  The sting from the water numbed my skin.  I searched through the cabinets for my disinfectant, keeping a few handy for cases like this.

All of my nerves had slowly grown numb, so it was no trouble applying it all across my body.  It made movement a little difficult, so it took me a lot longer than usual to get ready.  Once I had stepped back into the room where Ritsu-senpai was sleeping, bright light was already pouring through the windows.  Even with something he would normally claim as a disturbance, he slept peacefully.

Deciding it was best not to disturb him, I quietly announced my departure before heading out to the nearby supermarket to pick up some breakfast.

* * *

 

By the time I came back, grocery bags in hand, Ritsu-senpai was still in the still position.  While we were still attending school, I would scold him to wake up rather than sleep in all day, but lately he's been disappearing at random times toward the day or evening.  I never asked him about it because I worried he would misconstrue the purpose for my question and overstay his welcome, but this time he was still asleep, not having budged a single muscle.

I glanced at the clock atop the nearby desk.  4:00PM should be late enough that even the most tired of late risers should be up, but he must have pushed himself more than usual.  It was more peaceful when he was asleep, so I let him be as I returned to the kitchen to cook up something quick.

I cannot acclaim to be the most skillful of cooks; however, any gentleman should know how to properly prepare a meal.  There is much I have yet to learn, but without Oneesama or Sena-senpai to teach me, I was limited to the few recipes that I have diligently practiced.

If the smell of freshly made omelet rice was not enough to wake him up, I suppose that it was late enough in the day that I should make the effort to rouse him from his slumber.  As I stood by his bedside, plate with piping hot food in hand, he still refused to move.  Starting to become a little worried, I placed my fingers against his neck to check for a pulse.  I could feel his faintly beating heart slowly pulsing against my hand.

It occurred to me how easy it would be to leave right now.  To turn around and never come back.  With the money I have saved up from work, I could search the outskirts for a new apartment I could afford all on my own and leave before nightfall.  But I couldn't do that to Ritsu-senpai.  The option tantalized me, yet I knew that if I did indeed take off, he would wither here.  I simply couldn't bring myself to hurt him any more than I have.

"...Ritsu-senpai.  Ritsu-senpai, please wake up.  I made _breakfast._ "  I gently nudged his shoulder but still received no response.  His lack of responsiveness was beginning to be a little worrisome.  He has always been a heavy sleeper, but his health seemed to be slowly deteriorating, so I couldn't help but worry.

I repeated his name a couple more times but after no response, I contemplated dragging him out by the feet.  I would rather not resort to such forceful means, but it has proved the most effect in the past.  However, upon gazing at the sickly figure before me, dragging him was out of the question.

I placed the plate of food by the nightstand and carefully ran my fingers through his hair.  I brushed his long bangs from his face so that I could see his face more clearly.  His sleeping expression was always rather peaceful, but there was something amiss this time around.  I couldn't place my finger on it; however, there was definitely something wrong.  A nightmare, perhaps?  If that were the case, he'd be squirming or gripping at something, but his body seemed at ease.  It was the uncomfortable, dismal expression he wore that made an uneasy sensation creep down my spine.

I reached for his shoulder again, shaking him a little more roughly until an annoyed groan left his mouth.  The irritated look seemed to wash away when he looked up, letting out a yawn before he gave me his reply.

"...Good morning, Su~chan."

"I would hardly call this morning.  Please get ready so that you can finish breakfast before it gets cold.  And please take a _shower_ , you smell terrible."  He let out a pout, and I could already hear him start to whine about my lecturing him as soon as he got up.  I patiently waited for him to sit up, quickly averting my head in embarrassment when I saw that he was still naked.

"...And please get dressed while you are at it," I added on.

"Which is it then...?  My head's ringing from all the lectures..."

"All of them.  Preferably the _shower_ first."  After a long groan, he gradually slipped off the side of the bed, landing with a slight 'thud' against the floor.  I sighed in response to such a childish action and urged that he stand up.  He really did whatever was most convenient for him, regardless of how undignified.

With enough scolding, he finally disappeared off to the bathroom.  I told him I shall be waiting in the dining room with his food when he was finished, so I brought the plate back out and placed it across from me on the table.  It would be impolite to begin eating without him, so I pulled out my phone and dialed the number I'd been meaning to call.  The moment the screen lit up, my finger was already hovering over the green call button.  The very action had become ingrained into my mind, to the point where I was already listening to the perpetual rings from the other side.

The first ones I called were that of my parents.  I tried both my mother and father, but neither answered.  I gave them the benefit of the doubt and deemed that they were busy, so I called the lady meant to be my wife.  After only two beeps, the call was cut short.  I let out a long sigh and lowered my phone onto the table, staring at the black screen and waiting for someone to respond.

I didn't even notice when Ritsu-senpai entered the room.  I let out a gasp when I felt arms wrapping around me from behind.

"Ritsu-senpai, please do not so freely touch me," I warned, swatting away his arms and shooting him a glare.  "Hurry and eat your food.  I do not have all day to wait around."

"...You could have just eaten without me, you know?" he answered.  He dragged his feet over to the other side, falling against the chair and staring blankly at the food before him.  As I brought the plate closer to myself and began to eat, I noticed that he still hadn't moved.  I cleared my throat and brought down my spoon.

"You know how to eat, yes?  Are you perhaps not fond of _omelet rice_?  There are ingredients in the fridge if you wish to prepare something for yourself."

Ignoring the slight frustration in my tone, he listlessly picked up his spoon and scooped up a small portion before lifting it to his mouth.

"...It's good."  I puffed out my chest in confidence.  It is unfit for a gentleman to boast, but I could not deny the pride I felt upon hearing that my cooking was satisfactory.

" _Marvelous_ ☆  Please do not reserve yourself then~"

I was a little surprised to be met with silence.  Not that it should be anything unusual; Ritsu-senpai was never the most talkative individual.  However, it seemed that today he was especially quiet.  It was somewhat unsettling.

He continued to pick apart his food, getting through most of it without a single sound.  I stared down at my own plate, my food more than half-finished.  Looking back at Ritsu-senpai, I tentatively pushed my plate closer to him.  His crimson eyes finally looked up.

"...I believe you need this more than I do," I explained.  "I will not force you, but please make sure to eat.  You have been looking awfully _frail_ lately."  He showed me a slow nod before going back to silently munching through his meal.  What strange behavior...

"...Your phone..." he spoke, barely audible.  I glanced back down at my cellphone, completely forgetting that I had it there.  My heart raced as I turned it on, expecting there to be a missed call, but I was met with nothing.  I let out a sigh and turned back to Ritsu-senpai.

"What of it?"

"...You tried calling them again, didn't you?"  It was a foolish question, and I released another sigh.

"Yes, of course.  I was able to reach them last week, so with a bit of persistence, I believe I can come to a point where we may discuss this like adults.  All I ask is that I have a mature conversation regarding...the incident that caused this rift and gain their acceptance.  Perhaps it is greedy of myself to insist that they welcome me back, but I would be willing to pay my dues."

"...You'd be willing to do anything?"

"Yes!" I immediately exclaimed, startling him into dropping his spoon.  I muttered a quick apology before correcting my tone.  "Yes, I would.  I am the sole heir to the Suou name.  Even if I am nothing but a _disgrace_ , I shall do whatever it takes to earn my place once more."

"...Even if that meant throwing me away?"  The solemn tone of his voice was impossible to hide.  He stared back at me with hollow eyes.  It was like he was looking right through me.

"I am not 'throwing you away' when you were not mine to begin with," I corrected him.  "I cannot keep repeating myself, so I shall say it just once this time...I have my own life to live, and you have yours.  Please understand the severity of my situation...Had they not caught us in what can only be called a heinous act of fornication that should never have happened, I would still be calling myself a Suou and living in peace with the fact that I did not cause my family such unparalleled pain."

He stayed silent, mindlessly poking the rice with his spoon.  I scolded him for playing with his food, and he lackadaisically brought it back up to his mouth.

Ritsu-senpai was always rather stubborn, and it seemed impossible to shake him off.  The shocked look from my parents and that of the lady whom I married remained embedded into my mind.  It haunts me to this day.  Had I not been so careless, had I not fallen for Ritsu-senpai's trickery, I wouldn't be in such a helpless situation.  However, no amount of lamenting was going to reverse time, so all I could do was persevere until I reclaimed what I had lost.

I looked back at Ritsu-senpai to check for any change in emotion, but he was still just as impassive as ever.  He really was difficult to read.  Not once since I decided to end things with him did I understand anything he has done.  Now that I realize it, I really don't know anything about Ritsu-senpai at all.  Not whether he has a job, whether he's still in contact with his family, or about his social life, anything.  He was simply the man who showed up because I needed to be with someone at the time.  The very act that prompted him to stay here with me, monopolizing my every move.  If I tried to run, he would catch me and tie me down.  It was nothing more than a game of hide-and-seek to him, but after some time, it became too tiring to try and run away.  The end result was always the same.

Deciding that a change of topic was much required, I spoke up again.

"It has occurred to me that I have yet to inquire about your work.  Do you have a job?"  After all, he was able to meet his end of the bill so he must be bringing in money from somewhere.  He raised an eyebrow at my question, as if it was a rather peculiar thing to ask.

"...You want to know?"

"I would not have asked otherwise."  I received a long pause in return as I waited for him to finish chewing.

"...Piano.  I play in an orchestra."

" _O-Orchestra?!_ "  I could not hide the surprise in my voice.  I would never have imagined him to aim for something so big, especially at such a young age.  The slightest bit of amusement rose to his features.

"Fufu, you didn't know...?  I got scouted after playing the piano at a local cafe..."

"That is incredible, Ritsu-senpai," I said, still astounded by the sudden reveal.  "For how long has this been going on?"

"Hm...A few months...?  I used to work at a bakery for a bit before then..."  I could hardly contain my excitement.  If I were being honest, I never imagined Ritsu-senpai to be doing any line of work.  He was much too spoiled to lift a finger to do anything that required effort.  To hear all this at once left me nothing less than dumbfounded.  In that very moment, I forgot about our predicament and marveled at his accomplishments.

Without realizing it, I was smiling.

"I am most certainly impressed.  Despite your usual lazy self, you certainly possess a threshold of talent.  I'm proud of you, Ritsu-senpai."

The words somehow got to him, and his spoon paused midway to his mouth.  A gentle smile, one lacking of any malice, made its way to his otherwise dismal features.

"...Aren't you being a little too nice to me?" he asked, disbelief in his voice.  "Bu~t I don't mind...I have a concert next week, I'd love to take you."

"A _concert_?  I would be honored♪"

"Fufu, alright.  It's a promise, then," he said as he held out his pinky from across the table.  Even at this age, he still insisted on engaging in something as childish as pinky promises.  However, I did not mind and complied with his request, locking my pinky with his.  If anything, it was somewhat endearing.  It was probably the one part of his childish innocence he managed to retain.

A warm feeling I haven't felt in a long time buried itself into my chest.  The last time I made a promise like this was...

I stopped myself in my thoughts.  That's right...I made a promise that when we grew older, he'd be the one I'd marry.  To make that kind of naive vow at such a young age, I was truly nothing less than foolish.  Yet as I glanced at his sweet smile that wished only the best for me, I could almost fool myself into thinking that we were still together.  That the person I married was none other than Ritsu-senpai.  For that very moment, I wished for nothing but to grant his happiness.

I truly am a terrible liar.

Ritsu-senpai must have picked up on my sudden change in mood because he tossed me a puzzled look once I pulled my hand back.

"Did you have other plans...?"

"Ah, no, I..." I stumbled for words, hastily throwing on a sheepish smile in an attempt to reassure him.  "None that I am aware of.  My apologies, I seem to have gotten lost in thought."

Before he could assess my peculiar behavior any further, I excused myself from my seat.  It was already late into the day, and I was thankful not to have work today.  It was a holiday, after all, so the rest of the day was mine to spend as I saw fit.  Normally I would schedule something with fellow colleagues, but this time I had forgotten to do so.

I paused as I pushed back my chair.  After looking through my planner and all the notes inscribed into my phone, I determined that I really did not have anything to do for the day.  I started to frantically search through for anything at all to give me an excuse to leave the house, but I found nothing.  I did not like heading out without a destination in mind, but it seems I was left with no choice.  If I dawdled here for any longer, Ritsu-senpai would surely take notice.

"Ghh...My stomach hurts..." I heard him groan as he fell against the table, two finished plates off to the side.  I did not expect him to be able to finish, and although I was glad he did, it was definitely a lot more than what he was accustomed to.

"If it becomes unbearable, there is some medicine in the kitchen cabinet," I said, taking off my coat from the rack by the door.  His eyes slowly followed me from the table.  Even though he didn't appear capable of moving, I still feared that he might run after me if I left so suddenly, so I kept a close eye on him.

I fetched my keys from the nearby shelf and stuffed them into my pocket.  Putting on my shoes, I turned back towards Ritsu-senpai as I finished, making sure he was still in the same place.  I was usually safe during the day, but I had to watch my back when the sun went down.  Ritsu-senpai was an expert with navigating his way even in the dark and concealing his presence.  There was no telling when he would try and sneak behind me or surprise me in some way.

"I shall be heading out now," I announced, feet already out the door.

"Where to...?"  His question stumped me, and I faltered for an answer.

"To the store..."

"Weren't you just there...?"

"Er..."  This was not going well.  If I didn't think of something soon, I would be caught in a trap.  The slightest movement made me halt in place, eyes glued to the other as he slowly rose from his seat.  There was not the slightest change in his expression.  He stared directly at me, paralyzing me in place.

"If you don't have any plans, then..." he spoke as he closed in the distance, hands in his pockets.  I remained silent, arms and legs stiffening in place, watching him pick up his own coat and toss it on.  "Take me with you."

He was already appearing ready to leave, so it wasn't as if I had much of a choice to refuse.  I was careless enough not to fully think this through, thus I paid the price.  The very reason for my leaving in the first place was so I wouldn't have to see him until I got back.  However, if we remained in a public setting where there were many people, surely that would be enough to keep him in check.

He cast me a sleepy look once we stepped outside, his eyebrows scrunched together like he was worried about something.

"What...?  You're looking at me so menacingly...You don't hate me, do you~?"  I didn't realize I'd been glaring at him until he pointed it out, and I allowed my features to relax.  How unbefitting for a gentleman.  Regardless of our circumstances, I should not allow my emotions to get the better of me.

"...No, I do not," I answered rather dryly.  With the door locked and shut behind me, I stepped outside.  My shoes hit the pavement in a rhythm, heading in a direction my feet determined on their own.

"Ehh~  You sounded hesitant..."  He followed me soon after, although not without whining a bit about slowing down my pace.  It was going to be a little while before we entered the main street, so I cast my head at the sky, sticking out my hand to check for rain.  Clouds coated the sky, nothing but a gray canvas.  Perhaps it would have been wise to bring an umbrella.

"If you are tired, do not allow me to withhold you by any means.  It is not too late to turn back and rest," I said.  I heard his footsteps following from behind, struggling for a bit to catch up.

"I'll be fine~..." he chimed.  A few seconds passed before he turned back to being silent, almost making me forget that he was even with me.  I jumped in a startled surprise when I saw that he was right beside me, his face merely inches from my own.  The ominous look in his eyes made a shiver run down my spine.  I froze in place when he leaned in beside my ear, his voice low and menacing.

"If you hate me, that's fine, too...♪"  I immediately pushed his face away with my palm, feeling the heat biting at my ear.  A disgruntled sound slipped through my teeth.

"How many times must I tell you to mind your distance?" I spoke with a sigh, quickly picking up the pace once the feeling returned to my feet.  My heart was beating against my chest, and I thought my head was spinning.  Even in public he would do such things, does he really have no sense for boundaries?!

I didn't look back to see if I lost him as I sped forward until I entered the main street.  I was greeted with the crowds of people who roamed the area, passing back and forth from the sidewalk and into the street freely.  Even though there were still a few hours until sundown, neon lights of the many tall buildings meshed together were beginning to steadily light up one by one.  This was the very noisy and bustling environment that Ritsu-senpai didn't care for, so as long as I remained in the midst of it, he shouldn't last for long.

That's what I figured, anyway, until I nearly yelped as I felt my arm being grabbed.  Before I had a chance to shake off the perpetrator, his equally irritated yet weary face looked back at mine.

"If you want me to leave, then say so..." he spoke, that same threatening tone from earlier.  The grip on my arm loosened.  "But I'm getting tired of playing games."

"As I said earlier, I–!" I stopped myself short.  To pick a fight with him here would be utterly foolish.  However, I could not help but feel vexed.

'Playing games?'  Is that not _my_ line?  For someone normally so perceptive, he failed to pick up on something so blatant, even after I overtly demanded that he leave just last night.  At this point was where I weighed my options.  If I chose to be forthright and speak on impulse like I normally would, I would surely pay for it later.  My body still aches, so the last thing I should be doing is fueling that side of him that emerges the moment we step back into that house.

Letting out a sigh, I turned my head and quickly scanned the area, searching for someplace to go.  I really should have researched more about anything around here before setting off.  Normally I would stop by a cafe and read books to pass the time, but we just ate so perhaps that would be best left for later.

"Do you have any place in mind, Ritsu-senpai?" I asked, maintaining my normal tone of voice in hopes that I could ease him out of his irritable state.

"Nn...Anywhere that's not in this noisy crowd..." he grumbled, still sticking by the entrance to the main road.  I figured he would not want to venture off into a noisy place such as this, but it seemed like there was no point in telling him to return home, either.  I released another sigh.

"I do not know...A temple, perhaps?  There should be one not too far from here, but you'll have to endure the crowds for a little while longer."  I would rather not visit a place too secluded, but I was out of ideas.  He responded with a nod.  I set off in the direction I had memorized, slowing my pace and checking back to make sure Ritsu-senpai was following along.

He followed in silence as we progressed through the street.  I couldn't tell if it was because he was still upset, still sleepy, or merely at a loss for what to say.  It was impossible to tell what he was thinking.  However, after a couple more minutes of walking, I was starting to lose him.  Even at the pace that I was walking, he seemed to be steadily falling behind.  I slowed down just a bit, and I felt him reach for my sleeve, tugging on it just enough to get my attention.

His appearance looked a lot more worn down than it had earlier.  Had I been paying more attention, I would have noticed it sooner, but he definitely did not look well.  The dark circles under his eyes combined with the paleness of his skin highlighted just how poorly he was treating his health.  The weary look was what caught my attention.

"...Can we rest?" he quietly asked, appearing as if he was about to keel over any moment.  With some defiance, I turned the other way and resumed walking.

"I think not.  It is only a little further ahead."  Ignoring his protests, I dodged through the crowd until we finally arrived onto a separate path.  After walking down a winding road for a little while as I watched the buildings disappear behind the towering trees, I spotted the temple up ahead.

Before I could announce our arrival, I heard a sound like something crashing onto the ground from behind me.  With a quick swerve, I spotted Ritsu-senpai's body collapsed only a few steps away.  I ran up to him, my shoes colliding with the soil.

"Ritsu-senpai, are you alright?!" I called out, initially worried but quickly realizing that this was probably just one of his moments where he decided he was too tired to move.  In an instant my demeanor shifted, and I had my arms crossed as I stood before him.

"Please do not lie in the dirt like that.  It is unsanitary," I scolded.  When he didn't let out a response, I called out to him again, but I still received nothing.  The worry from moments earlier came rushing back, and I reluctantly knelt beside him.

His breathing was shallow, and his eyes were closed like he was asleep.  That pained expression from this morning was painted across his face.  Clods of dirt stuck to parts of his hair and clothes, slight scratches along his hands from the fall.

"Ritsu-senpai?"  I nudged his shoulder but to no avail.  I shook him a little harder, but he was out cold.  What prompted him to pass out so suddenly?  If he was really that tired, he should have stayed at home.

I surveyed the area to check for any bench I could bring him to.  I couldn't simply leave him like this.  Levering him up by his arms and leaning him against me, I was surprised by how easy it was to carry him.  Despite his height, he had very little weight to him, so it wasn't too difficult to drag him over to a nearby bench and lay him down across it.

I placed my hand over his forehead to check for a fever, but everything seemed to be fine.  Nothing appeared out of the ordinary, which only perplexed me more.  Was it his stomachache from earlier?  No, that should not be so painful as to cause a fully grown adult to pass out in the midst of walking.

Lately, it seemed like his condition was deteriorating by each day.  When he mentioned that he had a proper job, it took me for great surprise not only for the fact that he is notoriously lazy, but because I deemed his health too poor for upholding a job.  Adjusting from night to day must be wearing him down more than I thought.

Unsure of what to do, I gently lifted his head out of the way so that I could sit on the bench as I waited for him to waken.  Since his legs took up most of the room, I let him rest his head against my lap as I looked through my phone.  I regretted not bringing a book with me.  Every few minutes that passed, I would check back on Ritsu-senpai to make sure his condition wasn't any worse.  I ran my fingers through his hair to comb out any particles of dirt.

It couldn't have been longer than half an hour before Ritsu-senpai's eyes slowly struggled to open.

"Nn...?"  His weary eyes blinked several times to adjust as he peered up at me.

"Are you feeling alright now?" I asked, genuinely concerned for him.  I've heard of him passing out suddenly every now and then, but this would be the first that I've witnessed such an incident.

He appeared confused by my question.  When he shifted in place, it seemed to register for him that he was covered in dirt while lying across a bench.

"Ah, did I...?" he asked, trailing off before he could finish the rest of his question.

"You fell unconscious as we were walking here," I explained.  "It came as quite a shock.  Ritsu-senpai, is eating not the only thing you've been neglecting?"

His response was to turn onto his side, wincing a little from the injuries he must have sustained after collapsing against the ground.  I'm thankful that the path we were taking was not made of asphalt, or I fear what may have happened to him.

"Ritsu-senpai, please answer me when I ask you something."

"...Nn."  The muffled groan that he replied with was enough to tell me that he was not taking care of himself like I had assumed.  Has he been not sleeping properly, either?  It seemed hard to imagine Ritsu-senpai skipping out on sleep, but it would explain the dark circles under his eyes.  It was likely from the challenge of having to reverse his day and night cycles.

The more he buried himself into my lap, I knew he was seconds away from falling back into an unconscious state.  I gently nudged him and urged that he get up, but he didn't budge.  If it weren't for him moving his arms or legs into a different position every now and then, I would have thought he was back to sleep.  As we didn't have any plans for the rest of the day, I decided to let him catch up on his sleep for a bit.  My fingers returned to weaving through his hair.  I did it almost instinctively now.  It always helped bring him to a peaceful state, but no matter what I did, that dismal look never faded.

I wasn't sure what caused my mouth to move, but words began slipping out from my throat.

"...Perhaps this is sudden, but I would like to elaborate on your question from earlier.  No, I do not hate you."  His expression remained unchanged.

"If I am being honest, I could never hate you," I continued, unsure of where my words were going.  "Even if I do not love you the same way, I still cherish you.  Had I reached the point where I no longer cared for you, I would not be here right now."  My cheeks grew the slightest bit warm.  With Ritsu-senpai lying against my lap like this as I brushed through his hair, it would seem like we were a couple, wouldn't it?  That was most certainly not the case, but had I been less careful, I could deceive myself into thinking that we were still together.

It felt like forever until I received a response.  The more seconds passed, the more embarrassed I felt for blurting out something unnecessary.  However, I did not regret a word I said once he gave me his reply.

"...Thank you."  Even if it was just two simple words, the gentle yet heartbreaking tone struck me in the depths of my chest.  One hand slowly rose to grip my sleeve.  I wasn't sure what he wanted at first and watched the hand dejectedly fall back beside my leg.  I knew it was foolish to encourage him like this, but I reached for his hand and squeezed it tight.  He locked his fingers around mine, clutching onto it like he was afraid it was going to disappear the moment he let go.

His eyes steadily started to close.  If only for just a few minutes longer, I suppose it was not a terrible idea to rest here for a bit.  I worried if I should bring him to the hospital or at the very least hurry back home, where I could apply disinfectant to the parts that were injured, but my decision was made for me as Ritsu-senpai fell sound asleep across my lap.  As I did not have any plans today, I did not particularly mind a few more minutes.  It was as a result of my thoughtless decision to keep pushing forward that he ended in this predicament, after all.

It couldn't have been more than a couple minutes.  As I struggled to keep my own eyes open, small drops of water appeared to land on the figure before me.  Looking up, the sky was cast a dark gray.  I held out my hand to feel a splash of water strike my palm.

"Ritsu-senpai, please get up.  It's raining," I said while gently shaking him by the shoulders.  Normally I am much more aptly prepared for these types of situations.  This was one of those days I was going to have quite a few regrets, it seems.

"Nn..." He grumbled and stirred in his sleep, but as it started to sprinkle a little harder, I nearly had to push him off me to get him moving.

"Is your leg alright?  Can you move?" I asked once he'd lifted his head.  A nod and a hesitant 'I think so...' was his response.

We didn't have the time to dawdle, so I hopped off the bench and outstretched my arm to grab onto his.  His dull eyes stared back up, hair steadily beginning to drip with droplets of water.

"Where are we going...?" he asked, finally starting to follow as I practically dragged him along.  Not wanting to risk losing him, I maintained a firm grip on his arm.

"Home, of course.  This is no place to stay while the rain is mercilessly bearing down upon us.  It will be a bit of a stretch, but there should be a _station_ nearby to make travel easier.  Let us make haste before the _storm_ worsens."

The gentle sprinkle turned into an unforgiving downpour, bullets of rainwater hitting our backs.  Our feet were still hitting soil, which was soon turning to mud, puddles forming along the road.  I felt Ritsu-senpai try jerking his arm back.  I couldn't guess the reason for such an action, so I turned around as I released my grip.  I could only stare in bewilderment as he started taking off his coat.

He must be mad to be _removing_ clothing in such weather.  He always had a bad habit of taking off clothes that he deemed too uncomfortable, not to mention dressing sloppily altogether.  However, this was taking it too far.

"Ritsu-senpai, what on Earth are you–" My words were cut short.  I felt a weight around my shoulders, but it was oddly comfortable and warm.  Ritsu-senpai's arms fell back to his sides, his coat gone and wearing nothing but the short-sleeved shirt he had underneath.  My hand reached up to the warm, fuzzy coat that was resting upon my shoulders.

"If you lend me this, then what will you wear?  You will get soaked," I said, but Ritsu-senpai was already on the move.  I held the coat over my head to shield myself from the rain.  As much as I would rather return it to him and make sure that he has some form of protection from this sudden storm, he seemed adamant on refusing me.  I eventually quieted down.  It wouldn't be long until we re-entered the street.

I admit that I was grateful for Ritsu-senpai's coat.  It was not necessary, as I had a coat of my own, but it protected me from having the water soak through to my clothes.  However, I couldn't help but glance over at Ritsu-senpai with his short sleeves and shudder.

The rain only worsened by the minute, accompanied with loud rumbles of thunder.  The weather here was always rather capricious, and today made no exception.  I could only focus on the few steps ahead of me to make sure I did not fall into one of the large puddles that gathered by the storm drains.

Although careful not to splash up any water, it was inevitable as we ran all the way down to the nearest station.  Thankfully our stop was not too far down, so we did not have to ride the train for long and quickly exited to a location only a few minutes from the apartment.  As we reached the familiar path which branched into narrower areas leading to the colony of apartments where we resided, my pace quickened.  Eager to be out of this ruthless storm, I scurried up the steps, making sure to check that Ritsu-senpai was still following.

After shuffling for my keys, I pulled them out from my pocket.  They'd grown frigid cold from the rain.  Upon hearing the familiar creak of the door opening, I instinctively braced myself upon entering, expecting Ritsu-senpai to come lurking out.  However, once I came to the realization that he was standing behind me, I let out a slight sigh I'd been holding in since the moment my feet hit the front steps.

"I believe it would be best if you used the _shower_ first, Ritsu-senpai," I said, placing my and Ritsu-senpai's coat onto the rack.  It would be best if I hung them up outside to dry, but that was impossible with this kind of weather.

As my attention turned to Ritsu-senpai, I noticed how he'd become drenched from the rain.  The clothes clung to his skin, and drops of water dripped from his hair and down his chin.  I, on the other hand, remained snuggly dry.  I couldn't help but feel guilty.

My suggestion was met with silence.  At the very least, it seems like my words registered as he made his way to the bathroom.  Everything about his movement appeared methodical.  He didn't even seem to mind that water was dripping from his clothes and hair.  It was as if he blocked out everything around him, completely unfazed.

Even for someone as notoriously oblivious as myself, I could tell that this was not the everyday Ritsu-senpai.  I had been racking my brain since this morning in an attempt to determine what was ailing him, but I reached no conclusions.  Ritsu-senpai is simply too difficult to understand.

I let out a sigh and sat by the edge of the bed as I waited for him to finish.  I pulled out my phone, thankful that it hadn't gotten wet.  My fingers touched the surface of the frigid device and pulled up my music library.  Pulling my earbuds off the bedside table, I shuffled through some songs until I landed on the music Leader used to produce during my stay at Yumenosaki.  From unit songs to individual pieces he composed for us, I made sure to treasure every one.  My experience in Knights was not something I wished to forget.

A part of me yearned to return to that moment where it was the five of us together—at the point where Ritsu-senpai and I were nothing more than comrades taking up arms to fight by each other's side.  However, I was aware that it was pointless to long for something of the past.

I crawled deeper into the bed and let my back rest against the mattress.  With Ritsu-senpai in the shower, I determined that assuming such a position would be acceptable as long as I stayed wary of my surroundings.  Even though he appeared listless upon coming home, his actions were always unpredictable.  Especially as the day was nearing to an end.

It has been a while since I listened to these old songs, so memories were quick to flood in as my eyes steadily closed.  I had forgotten that songs not just meant for myself, but other members as well were included in the mix.  Ritsu-senpai's being one.

It was impossible to deny that his voice was very beautiful when he sang.  Both calming yet lonely, giving the impression that he was singing a lullaby to an audience that wasn't there.  I imagined him performing atop a stage in front of an empty crowd, his fingers gracing the keys of the piano.  Someone who was beautiful in every way, performing in a one-man orchestra with no one to hear his entrancing voice.

I wanted to reach out and tell him that he wasn't alone.  That I will always be here to listen, that his voice will not go unheard.  However, I remained absent and merely watched from afar.  Watched as the image of the person I deemed beautiful slowly became corroded.

* * *

I didn't realize I had fallen asleep until I opened my eyes to light streaming through the windows.  The curtains were shut closed so it gave the illusion that it was nighttime, but rays of light still wedged their way through.

Had I really fallen asleep right after coming back?  My memory was still hazy, but I was rather certain that I had not crawled underneath the covers without showering first.  However, it was undeniable that I was, in fact, tucked into my bed.  When I tried to move, I noticed two things: For one, there was a wire which connected to my phone—my earbuds, but no music played.  I assumed the battery to my phone must have died, or I had turned it off in my half-conscious state.

The other thing that occurred to me was probably the most troubling.  Although it was to be expected, I was not alone here.  When I looked to my left, I saw Ritsu-senpai's sleeping face merely inches from my own.  His breathing was shallow, so I assumed he must be deep in slumber.  He had his arms loosely wrapped around one of mine, his body turned towards me.

I felt a sense of dread dawning on me.  What if Ritsu-senpai did something unseemly to me while I was asleep?  He certainly has not been one to spare me of the humiliation in the past.

I looked down just to make sure I was still fully clothed.  I was in normal clothes, while Ritsu-senpai had changed into his pajamas.  If my memory proved correct, then I must have fallen asleep before I had the chance to take a shower.  Did Ritsu-senpai really not do anything this time?  I was definitely suspicious, but nothing looked out of place.  If something _had_ taken place, he wouldn't have bothered to cover it up.  It was hard to believe, but perhaps Ritsu-senpai had the decency of sparing me this once.

To confirm my earlier assumption, I found my phone lying beneath the folds of my blanket and tried to turn it on.  As expected—the battery was all gone.  It was not that I needed it right away, but I had failed to set an alarm that I normally have on for work.  If I did not get up and check the time, I risked arriving late, something I could not afford.

The problem was escaping from Ritsu-senpai's grip.  Although his hold was rather loose, the more I try to pull my arm away, the stronger his grip became.  I wasn't sure how he was doing it; it appeared like he was fast asleep, yet I found it impossible to free myself from him.  I knew I was in a rather compromising situation once he coiled himself around me, arms locking me in place and legs brushing against mine.  His head rested against my shoulder, eyes still closed and showing no sign of moving.  I did not wish to wake him, but it seems that I was left with no choice.

Mustering all my energy into one swift movement, I tugged my arm away.  I figured that it should work the same way like when removing a tablecloth from beneath a plate.  However, I quickly found out that I was mistaken.

"Nn–" He managed a small sound as I flung him backwards, accidentally making him roll off the side of the bed.

"M-My apologies," I stammered, quickly reaching over the side and holding out my hand to the one curled up on the ground, wincing in pain.  "Are you alright?"

His eyes slowly peered open.  The half-annoyed, half-asleep look he cast me was oddly endearing, but I immediately pushed that thought aside as soon as it entered my mind.

"What was that for...?" he grumbled, merely staring at my hand rather than taking it.

"I did not mean to be so _rough_.  I have to get up and check the time in case I am running late for work, and your grip was unyielding.  I certainly did not intend to fling you."

He eventually accepted my hand, although with a bit of reluctance.  I found it surprising how easy it was to lift him back up, even without much help on his part.  I was able to get him back into bed and lifted the covers back over the grouchy vampire.

Now that I managed to break free, I quickly left to check the clock over in the kitchen.  I let out a sigh of relief when I realized that I had woken up even earlier than I would normally.  It seems like I had enough time to take a shower.  I decided to make myself a cup of tea and turned on the kettle before heading back to our room to grab a fresh set of clothes.

While I was rummaging through the wardrobe, I heard a muffled voice speak up from within the mound of blankets.

"Leaving already...?"

"Not yet.  I have work in a little over two hours, but it is best to prepare earlier rather than later."

"Why...? If you still have time, then..." I heard him shuffle in the bed, and upon turning back around, I noticed that he was sitting up and leaning against the headboard.  "Come back to bed~"

He stared at me through half-closed eyes, his hair disheveled and clothes slipping down his body.  I wanted to tell him to adjust his appearance and that I did not have to see his bare chest this early in the morning, but I merely sighed and shook my head as I made my way over to the bathroom.

"I find it odd that I even have to say this, but please head back to sleep.  Unless you have work, in which case please do not shirk your duties and prepare for the day."

"Work starts later...Plus it's done at a leisurely pace, so I don't have anything to rush for~" There was a slight pause as I opened the door to the bathroom, but my feet stopped when his voice came up again.

"I can't sleep when you're not around..." he spoke, nearly in a whisper.  I turned back around as I heard the words.

The very notion that he couldn't sleep without me around was preposterous, and at first I dismissed it as a foul trick to get me back in bed with him.  However, his weary expression told me otherwise.

I could not understand how my absence would affect his sleeping schedule.  And even if he really couldn't sleep without me by his side, then at the very least he should be able to rest at night, when I would be home.  Of course, that conflicted with his 'vampire' routine of sleeping only during the day, but it seemed like he was fine this morning.

I placed my clothes onto the bathroom hanger before returning to Ritsu-senpai.  There was something I still did not understand, and I was not leaving until I received the information I needed to know.

"Ritsu-senpai, when I inquired about your health habits yesterday," I said, walking over to the side of the bed.  "Are you having problems with sleeping as well?  If that is the case, I cannot allow you to let your health continue to deteriorate.  What is the problem?  I shall take you to a sleep clinic if necessary."

He rubbed his eyes, his head starting to droop like he was about to pass back out any second.

"Mm...I'm a vampire, so I can only sleep during the day.  But I haven't been able to do that for a while..."

"I must correct you on that matter; you are not a real _vampire_ , so please do not spout such frivolous things," I reminded him.  "However, I have seen you sleeping at night as well, am I mistaken?"

"At night...?  Since when?  Only a little bit, but..." His attention drifted off, and he stared vacantly across the room.  "I end up waking up every couple hours, so it doesn't help..."

I sat onto the bed, keeping my distance at the very edge.  In this early hour, the distant ticking of the clock was amplified in the silence.

"May I ask why?  Perhaps if we can whittle down the problem, I can propose a viable solution."  There was another pause, and at first I wasn't sure if Ritsu-senpai heard me.  His eyes were open so he was still awake, but his body remained listless.  With the paleness of his skin and the dull look in his eyes, he reminded me of a corpse.  A frightening thought occurred to me as the image of Ritsu-senpai being taken away in a casket infiltrated my mind, his lifeless body being dragged from beneath the covers.

I wanted to reach over and shake him to make sure he was still with me, but the panic settled down when he finally answered.  His voice came out in whisper.

"...I get nightmares of you leaving me."  The words pierced their way into my chest.  My face scrunched up into an uncomfortable expression as I struggled to form the words.

"...I see," was all I could reply with.  I shifted about uncomfortably.  The guilt was slowly beginning to gnaw at me, but I knew that if I thought about it too hard, it would haunt my mind for the rest of the day.

"I still suggest a sleep clinic," I offered.

"Nn...Don't wanna...It's too much money."

"In that case, I can opt to pick up some sleeping pills by the drug store.  There is no point in allowing these sleeping habits to continue any further."  My suggestion was met with an adamant shake of his head.

"Not that, either...Pills are a pain to swallow..."

"Ritsu-senpai, please do not be so unreasonable.  I am merely doing this for your benefit," I said.  I offered a gentle smile and quickly added, "After all, you have a _concert_ next week, do you not?  I do not wish for something terrible to happen in the midst of your performance.  I wish to see your performance all the way through to the end."

My words were met with silence, but when I brought up the topic of the concert, he smiled.

"You won't forget, right...?"

"Of course not.  I made a promise, and I intend to keep it," I confidently declared.  I was relieved to see him smiling again.  Not the mischievous smirk or the sinister grin, but something a lot gentler.  He reached out his arms, as if beckoning me to him.  I raised an eyebrow, but he continued to feign a childish innocence as he held out his arms towards me, similar to how a toddler would ask to be held.

With some hesitation, I slowly made my way across the bed, keeping my legs turned outward in case I needed a quick escape.  Once he was merely inches from me, he cast an impassive look in my direction, completely unreadable.  I shut my eyes when he leaned in close, but the move he went for was not one I anticipated.

I felt a soft pair of lips briefly press against my cheek.  When I opened my eyes, I returned to the image of Ritsu-senpai smiling.  The gesture made butterflies swam my stomach.  I felt the heat rise to my face, and I couldn't keep my gaze for too long as I stared past him, eyes darting back and forth between Ritsu-senpai and the bed.

"Good luck at work today~" he said, reaching up to gently pat me on the head.  I couldn't wipe the smile off my face as I showed him a confident nod.

"Thank you.  I shall do my best♪"  With everything settled, I was back to getting ready for the day.  After finishing up in the shower and hastily prepared myself some breakfast, I was set to leave.  I adjusted my tie in the mirror, making sure I appeared presentable before grabbing my briefcase.

I faltered in my step as I stopped in front of the doorway to put on my shoes.  My head turned back towards the bedroom, where Ritsu-senpai had gone back to sleep.  Glancing down at my watch, it appeared that I still had a little time, so I set down my briefcase as I hurried back.  I checked to make sure that there were enough ingredients in the fridge so that he did not starve, and I somehow found myself heading back into our room.

I was glad to see that Ritsu-senpai was able to get back to sleep.  Or at least, that's what I thought, anyway.  However, as I steadily approached him from the direction that he was turned, I saw that his eyes were, if just barely, open.  His pupils widened slightly when he saw that I was still standing there.  Before he could say anything, and before I could properly think through my actions, I leaned in and matched Ritsu-senpai's level.

I held his hair off to the side as I leaned in to place a gentle kiss atop his forehead.  His eyes grew larger, and his face read of both surprise and disbelief.

A...kiss?  Like when we were dating?  It was preposterous.  As absurd as it was, I did it merely out of instinct.  There was nothing more to it.  So that I left little time to process my bold and incredibly foolish actions, I pulled away and turned back towards the door.

"I shall be heading off now," I announced on my way out, trying to conceal the mild embarrassment I was feeling.  "Please take care."

It was barely audible once I was one foot out the room, but the quiet 'I will,' was enough to send me off with a bit of reassurance and a smile.

* * *

 

It was late when I returned, but only because I stayed a while at the store.  Along with ingredients for dinner, I picked out some sleeping pills for Ritsu-senpai.  I spoke to a couple pharmacists just to ensure that they wouldn't cause any strange side effects or anything of the sort and took a long while until I determined which would be the safest option to get the job done.

After struggling a bit with the doorknob and stepping inside the apartment, I was met with Ritsu-senpai bounding across the room, nearly making me drop the grocery bags I had in hand.  I let out a startled sound as he greeted me, appearing oddly cheerful.

"Welcome home~  I made dinner♪" he chimed.  The playful smile across his lips quickly transformed into a pout.  "But since you're late, it's all cold~"

I could only stare back in bewilderment as I followed him into the kitchen.  Sure enough, it was one of those rare days where he actually cooked.  The most he would make are sweets, which, despite their appearance, were rather delicious.  However, it was certainly unusual to see him put in the energy to cook a full meal not just for himself, but for the both of us.

Just as I was about to thank him and started to smile at his thoughtfulness, that smile was quickly turned upside-down upon spotting the purple mist coming from what I could only assume to be a cauldron atop the stove.

"I made soup~" he said, stirring at the purple potion with bits of colorful mushrooms, octopus tentacles, and...Was that an eyeball?  I dared not ask.

"I politely decline," I said almost immediately.  My refusal was followed up with another pout and a series of disappointed whines, so I gave up with a sigh and decided to brace myself for this dangerous potion that would likely mark my end.  After all, Ritsu-senpai was notorious for creating food that looked appalling but was unparalleled in taste.

Seeing how I was skeptical, he brought out a bowl and poured some for himself before bringing it over to the kitchen table.  I waited until he tasted it, grimacing at the sight of him bringing the spoon of the deadly liquid to his lips.  However, after enough waiting, it seemed like he was going to be fine, so I decided to bite the bullet and try it out for myself.

I poured myself a bowl and joined him by the table.  I closed my eyes as I brought the spoon to my mouth.  Surprisingly enough, it tasted remarkably good.  Even with its peculiar texture, the taste could easily compete with soups of high-end restaurants.  If Ritsu-senpai worked on making it more presentable, he had a promising future of becoming a chef cut out for him.

When I told him it tasted excellent, he let out a chuckle and a smug look that read, 'As if it could be anything less~'

I couldn't help but feel at ease.  This somehow felt natural, like everything was going the way it should be.  Eating dinner with Ritsu-senpai and making light-hearted conversation like we always used to.  For a moment, I could forget about our circumstances and enjoy the evening with someone I really cared about.  Someone who had not once decided to leave me or cut me out of his life, despite all the trouble I'd caused for him.

Today was the first day in over a year that I forgot about calling my family.

* * *

 

I rolled out of bed the next day, routine no different than normal.  Only that Ritsu-senpai was a lot tamer than usual; there were no uncomfortable advances, and even though he was not any less needy, he didn't push my boundaries.  As I left the bed, I spotted the peaceful expression across his face as he continued to sleep.  I don't know what changed, but his mood was certainly fairing much better.

Since he had the tendency to skip out on meals, especially anything that was during the day, I decided to make some breakfast.  If I prepare it, it will be enough to convince him to eat.

Making sure he was nowhere around, I reached into the cupboard to grab the pills I bought yesterday.  It seemed like he was doing better, but there was no doubt that he still had sleeping troubles.  His sudden stirring during the night woke me a few times; I was certain there were a lot more times where I was not awake to notice.

I heated up some of the soup he made from yesterday, along with a bowl of rice and a cooked egg.  It would be hard to conceal the pills into something that was solid, so as steam began to rise from the top of the soup, I reached for the bottle.

I re-read the directions to confirm: at most two pills for the whole day.  After Ritsu-senpai informed me that he had the day off, it was the perfect opportunity.  If he continued to sleep even without taking them, then this extra step was unnecessary.  However, it was improbable that his habits changed overnight.

To ensure its effectiveness, I decided on two.  I tilted the bottle on its side and let the capsules roll out the end.  Two landed in my palm, so I placed the rest of the sleeping pills onto the shelf above the stove.

As if peering into Ritsu-senpai's gruesome mixture wasn't foreboding enough, the moment the pills hit the surface, they fizzed and caused another strange mist to form above the pot.  I hadn't realized how high I set the heat, and the water lurched from one side of the pot to the other, splashing onto the surface of the stove as it became coated in large bubbles.

I made a terrible error.  Befitting of a novice like myself, I reached over the top of the boiling pot to turn down the stove.  The moment the steam collided with my skin, the sizzling burn caused me to recoil and jump backward.  As I yanked my arm back, my hand knocked into the bottom of the shelf and caused the bottle of pills to be sent flying.  It rolled onto the ground, creating a racket as it collided with the marble floor.

I matched the loud clatter with an equally loud yelp, quickly chasing after the bottle that was steadily rolling further away.  It landed against the leg of the table, so I fell to my knees and retrieved what was left of it.  I let out a tired sigh when I saw that half of it was empty.  Due to my carelessness, not only have I made a mess, but now any pills that spilled onto the ground were of no use.

I figured I had a little bit of time before Ritsu-senpai came to check out the sound.  I scurried to my feet after snatching up the escaped pills, regretfully tossing them in the trash.  Even if they only touched the ground for no longer than a few seconds, I did not feel right in feeding Ritsu-senpai something that had been on the floor.

This time, I secured the top with its cap, twisting it tightly until it would no longer budge.  After placing it back in the cupboard, I noticed something odd.

...Were there really this few pills in the whole bottle?  The few I picked up would surely not be enough to fill up the entire thing.

Something felt wrong, but I couldn't place what.  However, my attention was quickly diverted when a familiar voice called out from behind me.

"Did you go and break something~?  Bad Su~chan...♪"  He wrapped his arms around my waist the moment I slammed the door to the cupboard shut.  If the quickened beating of my heart wasn't enough to give myself away, my stammering certainly didn't help.

"I-I did not!  Moreover, please do not _surprise_ me like that!"

"Fufu, no hiding from me...♪"  I sighed and brushed his arms away.  Using a little more tact this time, I reached over from the side and turned off the stove.  The grotesque, swamp-like liquid certainly didn't look any better after heating it up for so long.  I contemplated making another, but I glanced down at my watch and saw that I didn't have the time.

"My apologies, I seem to have ruined your soup..." I confessed.  He peered over from my shoulder, his chin resting against me.

"...Yep, it looks pretty bad~" he said.

"At least have some reserve, Ritsu-senpai.  However, I shall be more careful next time."  I placed the bowl I made of rice and a cooked egg onto a tray, then poured him some soup.  Rather than the deep purple hue it had last time, it seemed to be tinted an eerie red color.  Perhaps it was just the lighting, but a bad feeling loomed inside my chest.  ...Is this really safe to eat?  It shouldn't be any different than what Ritsu-senpai already prepared.  Heating it this much must have altered its state somehow.

However, if I threw it out now, the sleeping pills I slipped into the soup would be of no use, so I brought the bowl over to him along with the other dish I prepared.  He seemed a little skeptical, but he reached for the spoon anyway.

I brought over my own tray and set it down across from him.  I anticipated something bad to happen, but it seemed like everything was fine.  He'd pulled out his phone and appeared preoccupied with it before I arrived and set down my bowls.  Once I was seated, Ritsu-senpai stared at his spoon for a while, gazing into the strange-looking soup as if contemplating whether or not to drink it.  Much to my relief, he still brought the spoon to his mouth.

"...It tastes weird," he said, interrupting the silence.  I could feel cold sweat running down my back.

"Is that so?  Perhaps the heat changed its taste.  Your, er, creations are always composed of rather odd ingredients, so I must have prepared it wrong."  The more the guilt gnawed at me, I decided to hesitantly speak up.  "If it is not to your liking, you do not have to force yourself to drink it.  I am sure you know how to prepare it better than myself."

"Mm...It's fine~  Su~chan went through all that work, so I'll make sure to have eeevery drop~"

As we began to eat, I cleared my throat and started up a light conversation.  Concerning his work, or how he's been doing—simple pleasantries I was used to using with co-workers.  However, with Ritsu-senpai, it didn't feel so forced.  It was not merely out of proper manner but genuine curiosity.  Throughout the entire year that we have been living together, it was only in these past few days where I slowly started to understand him a little more.

Perhaps he wasn't as callous as I thought.  When I was a little kinder to him, at least.  There was little chance that he would be so capricious as to completely change in merely a few days.  However, no matter how much I reminded myself that, the smiling face of Ritsu-senpai as we made light conversation made me remember why I used to love him.

It was dangerous.  I knew I couldn't fall into his trap, yet I cannot deny how much I missed these moments of ours.  If I hadn't been so cruel to him, then...

I eradicated the thought from my mind.  It wasn't something I could afford to consider, especially with just how much rode on my shoulders.  My family came first and foremost.

My hand reached into my pocket, fingers wrapping around my phone.  As I was about to excuse myself to take a call, Ritsu-senpai spoke up for me.

"Thanks for the meal~" he said, leaning back in his seat with nothing but empty bowls before him.  I was surprised to see that he really meant it when he said he’d finish every bite.  Even though it was rare for him to eat much, every grain of rice was scooped from the bowl, along with every drop of the soup.

Just like that, my hand released hold of my phone as I returned my attention to him.

"I am honored to hear that you enjoyed it."  Unfortunately, my statement was soon to be rebuked as Ritsu-senpai's face scrunched up in pain.  The moment he doubled over, I pushed back my chair and ran to his side.

"Ritsu-senpai, are you alright?!"

"Nn...My stomach hurts..." he grumbled, face pressed against the table.  I reached over to gently rub his back.

"Do you require some medicine?  My apologies, I really did not prepare it well..."  I hastily brought over some medicine intended for stomachaches over for the table, which he eagerly took.

"Shall I call the hospital?" I asked, slowly becoming more and more worried.  If Ritsu-senpai fell ill because of my doing, I could not forgive myself for being so careless.  What if this meant that he would be unable to attend or practice for his concert?  It was not something I was willing to risk.

As I picked up my phone and prepared to make a call, Ritsu-senpai reached for my wrist.  His eyes bore into mine.

"It's fine...It's just a stomachache.  Calling the hospital for something like that is kind of pathetic..."  He attempted to sit back up, still holding his stomach as his eyebrows remained scrunched together.  "In a few hours, I'll be fine...Not like I have to go anywhere today, anyway.  Don't worry about it~"

"Even if you say that..." I could tell he was trying to assure me that I had no reason to worry, but it still felt improper to leave him in such a state.  I asked if he could stand, and after reaching out to offer him my hand, I led him back to our bedroom.  He crawled back under the covers, and while it was not healthy to fall asleep right after eating, he definitely needed the rest.

I stayed with him for a few minutes longer, looking over him to make sure he was alright.  It didn't seem like he had a sudden onslaught of a fever or anything of the sort; all signs pointed to it being nothing more than a stomachache.  I felt silly for worrying my head over something so menial.

"How are you feeling?" I asked after a couple minutes passed—not nearly enough for the medicine to fully take its effects, but maybe enough to mitigate the pain even the slightest bit.  With the way his face was still scrunched up in pain as he curled inwards, I assumed not well.

"...Still hurts."  I let out a sigh and checked the time on my watch.  I was already running ten minutes late.  I really couldn't afford to linger here much longer.  As my feet shifted in the direction of the door, my nerves tensed up at the abrupt hold around my wrist.

"You're leaving...?"  The low, oddly calm voice sent shivers down my spine.

"Well, yes, I have work..." I managed, fumbling for words as his grip on my wrist tightened.  Even though I gave him a reason, I knew he wasn't going to let me go just yet.  Eyes still cast towards the door, I wasn't sure whether I should turn back around.  I kept my back to him, feet stationed in place.

"Hey, Su~chan..." he began, his voice strangely quiet.  "Did you put something weird in that soup...?"

A cold chill froze my body in place.  I can't believe I was foolish enough to think that Ritsu-senpai would fall for such a trick.  However, if he noticed it in the first place, why did he still drink it?  I felt like I was next on trial as I slowly turned around, meeting the eyes that pierced through my skull.

I hesitated.  I knew I should tell him, but I felt like an utter fool being found out this way.  It was meant to be discreet, something inconspicuous; however, it seems that it was anything but.

"...Yes," I finally admitted, falling weak to Ritsu-senpai's unyielding gaze.  I couldn't look at him anymore and hung my head in shame.

"I really do want your condition to improve, Ritsu-senpai," I explained.  "However, you were adamant on not taking them.  I added two _sleeping pills_ to the soup I brought you, and while I did not expect such consequences to arise, it seems like my actions had more ramifications than I had initially intended.  ...I'm sorry, Ritsu-senpai.  I should have been more forthright with my intentions."

My body remained stiff in place as I awaited his verdict.  It was no doubt a lowly trick, and I felt the shame bearing down upon my shoulders.  As the seconds ticked by, the rusted kitchen clock filling in the silence, I stared out into the dimly-lit room.  The shadows cast upon his figure made it hard to make out that it was him, but his bright red eyes gave him away.  The only color in his otherwise dreary appearance.

Much to my surprise, his hand loosened around my wrist.  It fell to my fingers, clutching at them weakly.  Like he wanted to hold my hand but lacked the energy.

"...It hurts..." he feebly managed, his hand slipping further until it was curled around only two of my fingers.  The expression that haunted me came back, etched into his face.  The look where it seemed like all the life was drained from him.  His eyes dull, unresponsive.  He looked like a lifeless doll, ready to be thrown out onto the sidewalk.

I wish he didn't show me that face.  I gripped back the hand that was desperately reaching for mine.  His expression didn't change.  Leaving him now would only make it worse, but it was only a matter of time before he fell asleep.  He needed the rest more than anything.

Assuring myself of this, I gave his hand one final squeeze before letting it fall beside the bed.

"Please get some rest, Ritsu-senpai.  I assure you that you will be fine.  Do you trust me?"

"...Mhm," he replied.  His eyes were already starting to close.  I reached over to gently pat his head, steadily lulling him to sleep as I ran my fingers through his hair.  I let out a lengthy exhale and quietly mouthed 'Thank you' before letting my hand fall from his head.  At this point, I was late enough that I would surely face punishment, no matter when I arrived.  At the very least, I wanted to stay until I was certain that Ritsu-senpai was able to fall back asleep.

His breathing steadily grew shallow.  The rise and fall of his chest came to a slow, and his limbs remained motionless even as I quietly took a few steps towards the door.  It didn't look like he was going to move, so I bid him a farewell before closing the door behind me.

* * *

I was in for a lengthy lecture at work.  After bearing with the humiliation and being pardoned of my crimes, I was allowed the opportunity to continue working.  I was deeply thankful and began work immediately, my fingers tapping away on the keyboard.  The monotonous hum of the computer kept my attention focused on the one thing in front of me.  Shuffling through papers, filing reports, and organizing all the company's data was nothing too difficult for me.  As someone who has been taught to manage multiple activities from an early age, it was nothing more than mindless busywork.

I checked the small clock by the right-hand side of the computer.  Five minutes until four.  It was almost time for my break.  Finishing up a couple more papers, I heard the manager shuffling by and informing me that I had five minutes to get some water or a snack.  I excused myself from my station and made my way to the water cooler.  As I poured myself a cup, I shuffled into my pocket and pulled out my phone.  It was nearly evening, and I had forgotten to ask Ritsu-senpai if he had anything in mind for dinner.  While we normally did things our own separate ways, I know he wouldn't be eating anything on his own.  I determined that calling him would be easiest, but after a series of rings that led to a long beep, I resorted to text.  For all I knew, he could still be asleep, and Ritsu-senpai had the habit of doing things at his own pace.

_What would you like for dinner?_ I wrote, typing about as formally as I spoke.  I still struggled to adjust to the lazier, more improper form that most people preferred.

Stuffing my phone back into my pocket, I downed the last drop of water before tossing the paper cup into the recycling and heading back to my desk.

* * *

When I returned, it was late at night and my text remained unanswered.  Ritsu-senpai wasn't any better at using his phone than I was, so I let it slide.  I figured something simple would suffice for dinner tonight, especially after working overtime—I did not have the energy to cook unless Ritsu-senpai was willing to take part in the process.

I put down the plastic bag filled with two convenience store dinners and placed them in the fridge.  I was surprised that I was not met with a sudden sneak attack the moment I stepped through the door.  Perhaps I was being spared just this once.

I shut the door to the fridge, deciding that I'll eat once I've checked up on Ritsu-senpai.  As I walked past the kitchen table, I observed a glow in the corner of my eye.  The light from his phone flashed, indicating that someone was calling him.  A co-worker, perhaps?  I walked over to see that my own missed call showed at the top of the screen, along with the message he hadn't checked.  Did he forget to take his phone with him?  It wouldn't surprise me; he didn't use it for much as it was, but it was still imperative to have it on his person at all times in case of emergency.  That was something reiterated to me multiple times by my family and former comrades, so I thought Ritsu-senpai would know as much.

I didn't pay it much mind and walked further into the apartment.

"Ritsu-senpai?" I called out.  It wasn't unlikely that he was roaming the streets, out and about at this time of night, where his energy was boundless.  As expected, I was met with silence.  Not a single light was turned on, so I stumbled across the floor, keeping one hand on the wall as I searched for the light switches.

I arrived at our bedroom door.  It was shut closed, which was a little odd.  Since we both stay here, there was not much point to leaving the door closed, and it was a habit to leave it unhinged.  Paying it no mind, I knocked on the door.  When I received no response, I turned the knob.

The room was just as dark.  If Ritsu-senpai were here, he would have greeted me by now.  Unless he were playing some kind of elaborate prank; if that were the case, this would not be the first time.

I stepped further into the room.  The curtains, still draped shut, blocked off the streams of moonlight that attempted to intrude upon the room, leaving it pitch black.  At this time of night, he would normally come back to see me, so I assume the sleeping pills must have worked if he was able to regain his energy to be heading outside.

Worn out and haggard from work, I let out a long sigh and made my way over to the bed.  I slowly lowered myself onto the mattress, crawling deeper into its comforting embrace.

_Perhaps if just for a few minutes..._ I thought to myself as I closed my eyes and buried myself deeper into the sheets.  Lacking the energy to pull the blanket over my body, I fell against the top of the bed.  I stretched my arms above my head.  It felt so relaxing lying down across the mattress, but I had to muster the self-restraint to keep from falling to the tempting lure of sleep.

My eyes flickered, fighting the overwhelming urge to sleep.  I finally gave in and let them close, but I couldn't sleep just yet.  A strange odor, one that I hadn't noticed before, faintly brushed against my nose.  Did I leave food here?  Whatever it was, it didn't smell like anything I nor Ritsu-senpai had cooked.  It was foul, and putrid but not to the point where it was overt.  It was the kind that slowly seeped into your senses, filling you with nothing but that terrible smell until every crevice of your mind was searching for what could be causing that awful odor.

I let out a bit of a grumble as I shifted in place, turning to my side and hoping the smell would disappear.  However, it only seemed to grow stronger.  What made it even stranger was that I felt something on my hand.  I couldn't see when I drew it back to my face, but it definitely felt like some kind of liquid was spread across my fingers.  I connected the substance to what was causing that stench.  Since when did either of us eat in bed?  If Ritsu-senpai spilled something in here and didn't clean it up, I will have to scold him for it later.

Letting out a sigh, I reluctantly sat up and made my way to the side of the bed.  I rubbed my eyes with the hand that wasn't dirty and let out a yawn.  I was far too sleepy to be cleaning up his mess.  It was pointless to message him since he had forgotten to take his phone with him, so it seems like I had no choice.

I carefully made my way to the light switch.  I felt the side of the wall until my hand connected with something that protruded from its surface.  As I flicked it on, my eyes shuttered several times before my vision could adjust.

"Just what did you do this time, Ri–" I stopped.  My body frozen, limbs stiff.  Were my eyes adjusted?  Something was wrong.  I must be imagining things.

"Ritsu...senpai...?"  My throat was dry.  I fought the urge to throw up and slowly trudged my way closer.  I looked down at my hand.  It was bright red, the color of blood.  It matched the color that stained the bed and the figure lying motionless across it.

Ritsu-senpai.  At least, I think it was him.  My heart was racing so much and my head light.  But the black hair, the pale skin, the red eyes that were shot open and staring forever outward, unblinking.  A red liquid seeped out of his mouth, staining the blankets and slowly dripping downward until it hit the carpet.

My feet staggered forward.  My hand landed against the bed—the only thing to keep me from falling over.  My other arm desperately clutching at my stomach to keep it from falling apart.  The stench crept into the back of my mind.  Nausea churned at my insides, my world spinning.

His pale face, drained of all color.  Blankets tussled about with splatters of blood tarnishing the surface.  It slowly dripped from his gaping mouth, like a broken faucet.  I reached for the hand resting over his abdomen, clothes torn to leave blotchy, red scratches across his exposed skin.  It was cold.

My trembling hand gently nudged his shoulder.  No response.  I felt my breakfast from earlier starting to regurgitate in the back of my throat, but I swallowed the sour taste and shook him harder.

"Ri...Ritsu...Senpai.  Ritsu-senpai.  Ritsu-senpai, please respond.  Please, please answer me," I pleaded.  Nothing but silence and that irritating clock that never stopped.  The low tick-tock, tick-tock that bore into my ears.

"Please...Please, Ritsu-senpai..." I chocked on my words, my vision obscured.  I could barely hear anything as the loud thumping of my heart deafened me.  My knees started to buckle, and I clutched onto the bed, shakily gripping at the blankets as my vision started to swirl.  This isn't happening.  This isn't happening.  Ritsu-senpai, you're just sleeping, right?  This is all an elaborate prank, correct?  This is awfully cruel; I request that you stop this at once!

I tried to cough up the words, but nothing came out.  I became mute as I stumbled around, landing to my knees and no longer able to retain the sour feeling that boiled up at the back of my throat.  I sputtered and coughed up something vile, clutching my chest that felt like it was about to burst.  My breathing become even more ragged, and it was beginning to be difficult to see as black splotches blotted out my senses.  The morbid stench grew worse.  The floor and parts of my clothes were covered in something disgusting, but a part of my senses was regained as I reached for my phone buried deep inside my pocket.  I hectically shuffled through, desperately grasping for the object of question before I witnessed it fly past me, skidding away and landing just below the bed.  I scrambled towards it, lying down and momentarily pressing my face against the wet carpet as I outstretched my hand.  Drops of something cold landed against my bare neck.

My shaky hands fumbled with the device as my mind frantically worked to recall how I was meant to use it.  My fingers tapped anywhere but at the right numbers, but I finally got it to work.  After enough rings, the hospital gave its answer.  The voice in the background repeated itself several times as I stared vacantly at the figure of Ritsu-senpai across the bloodied bed.  My phone slipped from between my fingers, a long beep towards the end.

I traced my fingers through his hair.  His usually soft locks were stuck together with clots of dried blood.  The eyes that once used to look at me, the lips that were once capable of forming a smile were stationed in place, incapable of erasing the look of horror that was permanently inscribed into his features.

I knelt by his side, hands still gripping at the blankets until I could feel my nails piercing through the sheets.  The body which always provided me with warmth during the night had gone cold.  My vision still obscured, I felt around for his hand.  It was difficult to recognize.  Not a single sign of life remained.  Yet I yearned for something to appear.  That I would wake up from this dreadful hallucination and my nightmare would come to an end.

I gripped the hand which no longer moved.  Panicked, quickened breaths and whimpers came from somewhere.  It must have been from me, but I barely recognized the voice as mine.  My body shook uncontrollably.  No matter how tightly I squeezed his hand, he wouldn't squeeze it back.

The idol I'd admired for so long was gone.


End file.
